How To Think Positive: The First Step To Building Self Confidence.

Are you looking for a simple, easy way to start building your self confidence?

In this blog we'll explore how our self confidence can be depleted, and what we can do to empower ourselves to build it up again.

Self confidence is trusting our abilities, qualities and judgements in any given situation. Basically having our own backs... no matter what!

There are many reasons why we lose our trust in ourselves... usually from negative past references/experiences. For example, I remember when someone close to me said that I have ugly legs. I didn't wear dresses or skirts for years, until I built my self confidence again to do so!

When our self confidence is knocked, our mind will see similar future experiences as a threat. So when summer came around the thought of wearing dresses and skirts started, and I could feel the anxiety across my body. As a result, I just wouldn't wear them - I felt safer that way.

Emotion = energy in motion.

If the negative meaning we place on an event in our life is strong enough our mind will try to keep us safe by ensuring we avoid it in the future, even if the current situation is no threat to us at all. Our mind will attach a positive or negative emotion to the event - does it make us feel safe or unsafe. If the trigger is perceived to be a threat to us, the energy will then spread across our body to ensure we act - we have physical symptoms because we need to move away.

I had a lack of self confidence in skirts and dresses, so I avoided wearing them. I avoided wearing them because of the fear of judgement and fear of rejection. I didn't feel safe in my own body.

Essentially, our mind will initiate the sympathetic nervous system whether the current situation is a threat or not - the fight, flight or freeze response. Our subconscious brain is now in survival mode. Historically, we needed to survive in a tribe and this is why external validation is so important to us - to ensure safety in numbers. Our primal instinct (fear) is there to remove or avoid threats to our survival.

The thing is, we no longer need to survive in numbers to improve our chances against attacks from bears or lions (or whatever else our ancestors needed to fight off), but our subconscious mind didn't get the memo. Instead, we still seek validation from external factors to confirm our worth to our communities... thus ensuring our survival.

Perhaps if we do not see our worth ourselves, or know our abilities/judgements/qualities are valuable, we cannot receive love. This is why we experience the fear of rejection, fear of judgment etc... because we are already rejecting or judging ourselves.

Believing we do not have this external validation from others can lead to us feeling stuck with low self confidence, and unable to take the action needed to regain our inner power and go after our goals. I needed to work on my self confidence about my body, so I did.

Before we explore the first step to building our self confidence, let me ask you something. Are you finding yourself stuck and struggling to step into greater self confidence? If you know this needs to change right now, I recommend you book in your free 30min Discovery Call here to take your next step in regaining your inner power. We'll have a chat about your goals, and learn how we can work together. I'll share what coaching options are available - there's no obligation to continue.

So what is the first step required to build our self confidence, and stop us from spiralling into chronic self doubt?

The first step is understanding the pattern of self confidence - it goes up and down, dependent on the situation we are in. We may have a lower confidence level because we are trying something new. This is because our mind doesn't know if the outcome will be safe. In this situation, we should show ourselves compassion and acknowledge the mind's attempt to keep us safe, then trust ourselves to succeed in the new activity. Our first attempt might not go well, but if we continue to learn and try then at some point we'll get it right.

Doing the action has proven we have trusted our abilities, qualities and judgement to stay safe.

Our self confidence has now increased from taking action. Over time our self confidence will continue to strengthen. We'll learn more... about ourselves and others, as well as strengthening our ability to problem solve. It literally rewires our brain by providing evidence that the actions we need to take are in fact safe. But this doesn't mean going all in to the scary bit... that will just create overwhelm. What is needed is small steps of couragious consistent action.

Increased action = Increased self confidence.

Here's an example...

Goal - to be more confident in public speaking.

A small step to flex courage muscle - do several presentations to people you feel safe with, family and friends perhaps.

Once comfortable - the next step could be to do presentations in front of a small intimate group of strangers to flex the courage muscle again, and so on.

This cycle of consistent action can go on several times until the desired level of confidence is reached. Only expand your comfort zone in each step when you feel ready to do so, otherwise you will provide further evidence to your mind that taking the next step is still unsafe. Remember to use positive affirmations to attach your identity to your new empowered self. I've put together 32 of my favourite intentional daily affirmations here for you to download and use straight away. (Disclaimer: I only share products that I genuinely believe in. I will receive a small commission from sharing the affirmations should you wish to buy, at no extra cost to you. Your support helps me continue to create free content - thank you!)

It is the courage to continue that counts. Ask yourself these questions... If I don't continue, what will this cost me? What has not taking action cost me already? How will growing in self confidence help the ones I love? What will it cost them, if I don't step up?

Choose something small that creates a bit of discomfort that you know you are safe to feel. Don't do anything that you know will be traumatic for you.

I'd love to hear from you: what's one self confidence tip that has helped you? Share in comments, and let's help each other!